I have to set aside a time to look over the story to see if I can enrich the characters. It's going to be tough. I'm not sure if anything will happen. (I'll also be overhauling Grandma's naming. I've decided to refer to her as Gran instead of Grandma. Gran seems phonetically more pleasing.)
The third reviewer mentioned the links as well, though she said they were helpful maybe 50% of the time. But I think the links do break the text up in a jarring fashion. And the links are not consistent throughout the chapters. Some chapters have none, so when someone runs across a link, it stands out even more. I think I've mentioned before that the reason I bothered with links in the first place was because some of my references are dated. The reason I use these dated references is because they fit into that moment perfectly. I mean referring to Beverly Hills Cop 2 does seem like a really old and dated thing to refer to, but I love the little exchange in inspires between Mary and Rachel. And I can't think of anything that would fit as well. Plus it's a good movie. It's one of the reasons Eddie Murphy was considered comedic gold.
I wish to thank the reviewers for taking the time to give me well rounded critiques. I really appreciate them.
Though, I don't mind unadulterated praise either like the comment I got recently over at Fictionpress:
that is awesome! i LOVE IT! IT IS THE BEST FREAKIN STORY I'VE EVER SEEN!
Swelled head, me?
I do find it interesting that reviewers at Pages Unbound are willing to say good and bad things about a work, while the comments on the blog and at Fictionpress tend to be pure praise. I don't know if it's because people don't want to say mean things and leave them attached to the story and they feel freer at PU because they're one step removed from the work. None of the reviewers put their comments on the blog, though I do encourage honest feedback. Good or bad. It'll be interesting to watch this to see if it continues to hold true.