I know I haven’t written anything here in a long while. This is the second attempt at this post. I’d written a 2700 word entry earlier with a full narrative of what’s happened to me in the past few days, but I’m scrapping it because I feel it may be over sharing.
Here is the tl:dr- My cat Caper died four days ago. I dedicated Scamming Death to her last year because she went through a major health scare and I was grateful to still have her. A new health scare occurred five days ago without warning and after some tests and consultations with vets, I chose to euthanize her. I don’t want to explain all of the ins and outs of that extremely difficult decision because it reduces me to tears and I still question if I made the right choice, but this ordeal has made it very clear to me that I need counseling. I need grief counseling for sure and probably some general counseling.
Geez, I think I still may be over sharing. But the bottom line is that I am on hiatus basically for a bit. I am very close to finishing the rough draft of Mr. Conjure, the sixth Scary Mary. The cover is even done - Karri Klawiter did another excellent job. Even though the novel is well on its way, Caper’s death has ground me to a halt. For the past eight months, a large chunk of my life was consumed with taking care of her for an ongoing condition and to suddenly lose her to something totally unexpected has blindsided me hard. She was 16 years old. I know that’s pretty old for a cat, but I was hoping to get to 20 with her.
And I know a lot of people will not understand how this can effect me so powerfully. (I’m also struggling with the shame of being effected so powerfully.) But she lived with me for 16 years. That’s a long fucking time. I also have to admit that I’ve had mild depression for a long time and this has just cranked it to eleven. I am going to seek professional help and hopefully begin healing.
So, I know I mentioned the book may be out in May, but I highly doubt that will happen. I can’t focus on anything at the moment and don’t know when I’ll be able to. I still have a full-time job that I need to do, and though they’ve been very understanding, I only get so much leave.
Thanks for reading this.
(I may remove this post at some point. I'm not sure if it's something that I want archived. I'm still not sure about even posting it to begin with.)